Small Hopes & Burning Fires
by piscesclio
Summary: Edward leaves Bella. Again. What will happen to her after his departure? Will he return?
1. Leaving Her

**Edwards Point of View**

I sighed deeply. Even though as a vampire sighing or breathing of any sort was virtually pointless. I had to do this. I had to leave her again. I was absolutely disgusted with myself about it. Especially after promising, only a month ago, to never leave her side without her asking me to. I knew she wouldn't understand right now. But maybe one day she would. I was doing this for her.

Bella deserved a man who could meet her needs, all of them. Unfortunately, I wasn't that man. I couldn't change who or what I was. Loathe as I was to admit it, much of out problem derived from the fact that I could not be intimate with her. Bella never seemed to fully comprehend that one slip of my control would possibly kill her. It was a risk I wasn't willing to take. Her need had become so strong that all I had to do was give her the softest of kisses, the slightest of caresses, and her arousal would flood my senses. It had become bad enough that Jasper would avoid being near us because the lust was too much for him to bear.

Frequently, when I would come home, he would be waiting to beg me to do something about it. No was all I could say. He would mention alternatives to actual intercourse, most of which would have made me blush had I still been human. But I could only reply in the negative. I knew I was considered old fashioned, prudent. What was I supposed to do? To commit those acts with my precious Bella would have been to defile her. When he realized that tactic had no chance of working he switched to trying to convince me to change her. I was even more adverse to that course of action. I would not take Bella's soul. I would not make her one of the damned. I couldn't count the number of times she had pleaded with me to make her a vampire. I only became worse after we returned from Italy. But the very idea repulsed me. She would no longer be my Bella after that. A blood thirsty monster would be all that remained of my angel.

Leaving was the only option left. Without me there to drag her down she would find a human man to love. This time the family wouldn't go with me so her pain would be less severe. And they would be leaving in a few months so she would be completely out of harms way soon. The pain I felt at the thought of leaving her was considerable but I would bare it to keep Bella safe. With one more look at her peaceful, sleeping form I moved from the bed and out the window. I heard her call my name once before I ran off into the night.

As I approached the house Alice interrupted my thoughts. _**Edward, everything you will need is already packed and in the trunk of your car, which is at the end of the drive. Don't worry about the others. I will fill them in when you have had a decent head start. I won't even tell them where you are going.**_

I whispered my thanks knowing that she could hear me and left.


	2. Chocolate Chips

**Jasper's Point of View**

"Jasper?"

My eyes drifted upward from the book I was reading to the pixie standing in the doorway of my study. Sadness was emanating from her in waves as she made her way into the room, shutting the door behind her. "Alice? What…"

I was no more than a foot from her when she pressed her finger to my lips stopping the question from going any further. Suddenly her arms were around me in a tight, almost desperate hug. My arms wrapped around her back, holding her to me, trying to shield her from whatever had upset her so. What could cause Alice, who was normally so happy and carefree, to have such a haunted look in her eyes?

Alice rose up on the tips of her toes to whisper in my ear. "Edward has left again. He has no plans to come back. Bella will be upset. I need you to go to her. Comfort her in ways that only you can. Do you understand?"

Another wave of sadness hit me as I nodded. If Bella needed me I would go. She kissed my cheek. "I will always love you, Jasper. No matter what things may seem like."

The look I gave her was one of confusion, but Alice just shook her head and began shoving me out of the door. "You have to go now."

"Right this second?" I asked, glancing down at my bare feet.

"Yes!" she all but screamed at me. I didn't understand why she was so angry all of a sudden but with a quick nod of my head I was out of the house and running though the trees.

As I came into the small town of Forks my run turned into a slow walk. I kept to the shadows while I thought about my brother. How could Edward be so stupid? After a century of being alone he'd finally found someone to love, someone who loved him. Bella was smart, funny, headstrong, compassionate, loyal, and undeniably beautiful. She wasn't afraid of him, of what we were. Even more so, she wanted to be a part of what we were. What more could he ask for? I truly didn't get it. I could sympathize with the fear he seemed to carry with him constantly. Fear of somebody, even himself, hurting the one he loved. I really could because when he was around me I felt it as strongly as he did. But there comes a point where you have to stop running and be a man about things. Edward seemed hell bent not to do that.

I shook my head as I came upon Bella's home. Just as I was about to scale the side of the house my phone started to vibrating in my pocket. Pulling it out I flipped it open to read Alice's message. "DON'T BE SHY ABOUT IT. HOLD HER. IT WILL HELP."

Yet another cryptic piece of advice. I was used to it for the most part. After fifty or so years with someone who knows things before they happen you just stop questioning. But Alice was really starting to worry me. I made a note to discuss it with her when I got back. Within a millisecond I was crawling through the open window.

In the middle of the bed, facing the door was a lump. Bella. I'd taken two steps before I'd realized that the emotions I'd been preparing myself to deal with weren't present. Where was the pain, despair, at the very least anger? Bella was a highly emotional individual. Concern coursed through me when all I felt was a slightly more than mild amount of loneliness coming from her person.

My phone vibrated again. "JUST DO IT!"

With a roll of my eyes I made my way to the bed and eased on to the small mattress beside her. Turning on my side I tentatively placed an arm around her shoulder. I trusted Alice, but the gentleman in me felt this was inappropriate without any form of consent. Much to my surprise, Bella took my hand in hers, pulling my arm more securely around her body. As she did do she wiggled backward until she was pressed tight against me, my body spooning hers.

Great. Absolutely brilliant. She thought I was Edward. Did Alice honestly expect me to be the one to break Bella's heart? Me of all people? Above Rosalie I was the least qualified to tell her about Edward's departure. We really didn't interact, Bella and I. Especially since her birthday. Her birthday. Shame washed through me followed closely by panic. What was I doing here? Had I lost my senses?!

Just as I was about to flee Bella spoke. In a quiet but slightly quavering voice she asked, "Is he really gone, Jasper?"

"Yes." I answered as kindly as I was able. It startled me that she seemed so calm. It was also strange that she was aware of who I was. She hadn't turned around when I entered the room. I didn't think it was the right time to ask but curiosity was getting the better of me. "How did you know it was me?"

Bella rolled over onto her back. She hadn't let go of my hand so now our fingers were entwined across her stomach. Her soft brown eyes looked up into mine. Then, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world she said, "You're taller."

A chuckle escaped my lips. I looked down to where me feet dangled nearly a foot off the end of the bed. "I suppose you're right."

"And…" Embarrassment gushed out of her as I met her eyes again. "You have a different scent."

One of my eyebrows shot up in question and her blush increased immediately. I couldn't help but think of how adorable she looked. Nor could I seem to help my other hand from running through her hair, gently massaging her scalp. "Do I, darlin'?"

She nodded just before she leaned toward me, inhaling deeply. A timid smile graced her lips. "Like magnolias…and…"

"And what?" I whispered.

Bella blushed again, looking away. "Chocolate chips."

Her eyes snapped back to me when I let out a loud laugh. This woman was truly a delight. But her hand quickly came up to press firmly across my mouth. "Now you've done it."

I was baffled by her response until I noticed that the background noise of Charlie's snoring was gone and there were footsteps making their way down the hall. I flashed a grin before disappearing into the darkness of early morning. Moments after I settled into the tree next to her window, making sure I couldn't be spotted, Charlie barged through her bedroom door.

"Dad?" Bella asked groggily, pretending to have just been awoken from sleep.

Ignoring his daughter, Police Chief Swan's eyes swept the room in a very professional manner. Suspicion was clearly etched on his face. He bent down to check underneath her bed. Unsatisfied, he stood up and moved to the closet. Opening the door and flipping on the light, Charlie continued his search. Of course he found nothing in Bella's closet. Still not believing there was nobody in her room he walked to the open window. When he looked down Charlie shook his head. No human could make the two story jump without serious injury. When he stared at the tree, just out of reach of the window, I froze. I was almost positive he wouldn't be able to see me, but maybe…

Finally Bella looked like she'd had enough. Sitting up in bed she asked him, "What are you doing?"

Charlie turned to face her. "I thought I heard something."

"Maybe I was talking in my sleep." Bella offered.

"I heard a laugh." I had to smile when she gave him a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders. Charlie shuffled his feet and looked at the floor. His embarrassment was evident, at least to me. He grumbled, "It was a masculine laugh, Bells."

"I don't know what to tell you, Dad. There isn't anyone here." Bella glanced at the clock. "It's one in the morning."

"Okay, okay." Charlie walked to the door. "Sorry I woke you."

When the door closed Bella huffed in irritation. But her relief hit me a second later. "That was close."

"Not that close." I said in mock offense. "Our kind are stealthy."

She stood up and walked to the window. My breath caught in my throat. The tank top and entirely too short shorts she'd worn to bed barely left anything to the imagination. Lust welled up in me and I had to fight to keep it in check. I didn't want her to feel my suddenly overwhelming desire for her. It would probably make her uncomfortable.

Bella leaned out of the window, bracing her arms against the sill. I had to concentrate on keeping my eyes on her face because if I didn't I could see straight down her top and it occurred to me that it would be a very impolite thing to do. "Jasper?"

"Yes?" I heard my voice crack in a way it hadn't since I was young and human.

With a smile so bright I was sure it would light up the darkness Bella turned toward where I sat in the tree. She giggled when she asked, "Would Mr. Masculine Laugh like to come back in?"

My shoulders shook but I forced the laughter back down. Then I was serious as I moved toward her. "Is that what you want?"

That charming blush of hers reappeared as she nodded that she would. I felt another smile tug at my lips.

I reentered the room to find her back under the covers and looking at me in a way I couldn't quite explain. The emotions coming off her confused me. She was happy but also confused and everything was tinged with loneliness. Where was the pain that I was so certain would be here? I was suddenly unsure of what to do now that I was in the room again. Did I stand there? Sit in the rocking chair that was just behind me? Or did I sit on her bed? Would that be too forward? I honestly didn't have a clue what to do with myself.

Bella seemed to sense my unease because she lifted the blanket and patted the spot to her left. I discovered another grin was sliding across my face as I crawled on to the bed and sat beside her. I noticed that even though I was leaning against the headboard my feet still peeked out from under the covers to hang off the mattress.

Out of nowhere Bella was giggling again. I turned to look down at her. "What?"

It took a few moments for her to compose herself. "Can I ask you a question, Jasper? Two actually?"

My eyebrow cocked in curiosity. "Uh huh."

"Well, I was just wondering first how tall you were. And more importantly, where are your shoes?"

I let out a laugh but kept it quiet. "I am six foot five inches tall to answer your first question. And to answer your second, Alice pushed me out of the door before I could grab anything for my feet."

Her disappointment and sadness assailed me before I heard her soft "Oh."

Instinctively my arms wrapped around her small frame but she pushed away from me and I let go. "Bella, what's wrong?"

She wouldn't look at me as she said. "You're here because of Alice. She sent you to babysit me."

There was no mistaking the accusation in her voice. It broke my unbeating heart to realize that something I'd said had hurt her. Gently I placed my fingers along her jaw, ignoring the electric current that seemed to emanate from my touch on her skin, and whispered, "Bella, darlin', please look at me."

Slowly her head turned and her big brown eyes starred into mine with unshed tears. I wanted to kiss every single one of them away from her beautiful cheeks. Since I couldn't do that I settled for saying, "I'm not here to babysit you. You aren't a child. Alice told me you needed me so I'm here. But I wouldn't be here if this wasn't exactly where I wanted to be."

With a sigh she settled back into my embrace, snuggling deeper into my side. I was filled with absolute contentment in that moment. I knew the guilt would come later though. Bella was not only the love of my brother's existence but my mate's best friend. And I was undeniably attracted to her. It wasn't just a physical attraction, because I could fight that off. No, it was simply Bella. Everything about the tiny, fragile creature I was holding in my arms called to me. Bella's yawn snapped me out of my thoughts. "Are you tired?"

When she nodded I slid down so that I was lying on the bed and gestured for her to lay down next to me. Almost begrudgingly she did, curling her body to rest her head on my chest. I kissed her temple before I could stop myself and whispered, "Why don't you go to sleep."

"I don't want to." She yawned again but there was fear in her voice as she said, "I'll have nightmares."

"I could calm you down if you would like. That might help."

"Please." I was just about to use my special gift when she half sat up with panic in her eyes. The pain and rejection I had been waiting to feel bombarding me. "Are you going to leave when I fall asleep?"

I shook my head. Her eyes searched mine for a long moment, trying to find a lie. I wondered how many times Edward had lied to her about even the smallest of things to make her so suspicious. I ran my fingers through her soft hair. "I promise. I'm not going to let go of you tonight."

Satisfied, Bella nodded once before laying back down. I sent waves of calm in her direct and she was asleep the next second. I watched her as she slept and let peace come over me. I doubted things would remain the like this in the morning so I was determined to enjoy every second of the night.


	3. Wood

**Bella's Point of View**

When I awoke, before I even opened my eyes, I was aware of three things. There was a long, slightly cold and very strong arm cradling me against a firm chest. Two, a hand was being raked through my hair softly. The sensation sending tingles down my spine in a very delicious way that made an involuntary moan escape my lips. Lastly, there was an undeniable bulge pressing lightly into the small of my back.

"Oh. My. God!" The arm released me immediately and I sprang out of bed to face the reason for my sudden shock and utter embarrassment. Jasper. Jasper Hale was lying in my bed with a look of complete bewilderment gracing his features. I thought back to the night before. I had asked him to stay. And he did. My body relaxed a tiny bit.

Jasper threw off the blanket and moved to stand but stopped when I held up my hand. He spoke very slowly. As if he was trying not to scare off a wild animal, or someone with a bomb. "Bella, I understand that you must be taken a little off guard by my presence. You asked me to stay last –"

I cut him off midsentence. "I remember."

"Then what is the matter?" He really did seem to be confused. If I weren't freaking out I might have found it cute.

"That!" I said, pointing at the still present bulge in his pants.

"Oh." Jasper said as he glanced down. Then he had the nerve to grin at me. "Morning wood?"

"Try again. Vampires don't sleep." I had averted my eyes from his crotch but couldn't seem to look away from his face. He'd actually begun to look embarrassed. Good. It served him right.

Looking down at the floor he let out a sigh. "You have very intense dreams." He said it as if that explained everything.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

Jasper bit his lip. "Just before you woke up you, you appeared to be…"His eyes darted around my room nervously. "…in the throws of a powerful wet dream"

"And how does that excuse you?" I didn't mean for it to come out so harsh. But him telling me I was having erotic dreams embarrassed me to no end. Heat began to creep up my neck to my cheeks.

"The amount and sheer spectrum of sexual emotions that were pouring off you made it impossible to ignore. I'm an empath, Bella. Everything you were feeling in that dream, I felt. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but I simply couldn't help it."

Well, when he put it that way it was kind of hard to be mad at him. The anger was all but gone as I mumbled, "Why didn't you move away or something?"

Jasper smiled softly at me. "I promised I wouldn't let go of you."

"Oh." He really hadn't let go. Not even to run home and change clothes. I took in his wrinkled attire from the night before. That was so sweet. Before I could stop myself the tears were streaming down my face. Edward had always left at some point during the night. Then it hit me that Edward was really gone and I began to sob. I felt my knees begin to give but before I hit the floor Jasper was there. He was sitting on the hard wood of my bedroom cradling me in his arms as I cried. I wasn't sure how long we were like that but he didn't say anything or loosen his grip once while I bawled like a baby.

When I had quieted to hiccupping pathetically, Jasper pulled me away from his body enough to look into my eyes. H e gently began to wipe the tears from my face. "It's going to be okay. Darlin', everything is going to be okay."

Oh, how I wanted to believe those assuring words. However, I quickly became aware of the large hand rubbing soothing circles on my back and the fact that I was sitting in Jasper's lap. I hopped up. I must have moved too fast because the next thing I knew I was falling back down. I landed with my legs on either side of his hips. Stunned as I was, I still waited for the hysteria to set in. The 'Bella , the frail human, has tripped or done something equally clumsy' freak out never came. Looking into his topaz eyes I saw only amusement. "Don't you dare laugh."

His deep laughter shook his entire body and mine along with it. It didn't take long before we were both clutching our sides. Happiness washed over me and I realized I hadn't felt this happy in a long time. I wasn't even sure why I was laughing. "Are you doing that?"

Jasper's face was instantly serious and some of the happy feelings slipped away as my laughter died. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to project onto you. It was rude of me."

Of its own accord, my hand swept his golden hair from his eyes. "I didn't mind. It felt good to laugh. Can you help me get up though?"

With a graceful shrug of his shoulders he grabbed my hands and we were both standing in one fluid motion. "Thank you."

Thirty minutes later, Jasper sat on my bed as I busied myself getting laundry ready for the wash. He seemed content with gazing about my room. I thought the weirdness would eventually make itself known but it never did. There was no awkwardness, no being self conscious. It was easy to be in his presence. My mind drifted to the night before. Even then it had been effortless to communicate with him, fun mostly. Jasper was one of the last members of the Cullen family that I would have expected to be so at ease around. That is, if he weren't manipulating my emotions. We just didn't spend a lot of time near one another. And when we did he always seemed so stiff. I glanced back at the tall vampire casually lounging on my bed. He was so different the change was almost startling. I shook my head as I hoisted one of the two laundry baskets on to my hip.

I was almost through the doorway when he asked, "Can I help?"

Pointing at the other basket I replied, "Follow me Mr. Masculine Laugh."

I grinned when I heard his laughter break out as I moved down the hall and descended the stairs. It was so nice to hear an honest laugh, one that wasn't timid or forced. And it was coming from Jasper of all people.

We spent the afternoon doing laundry and talking about books and types of movies we liked. We both loved the classics, but I was fairly certain it wasn't for the same reasons. He described the Texas of his childhood and I described the deserts of Arizona. To my total amazement he understood completely the beauty of wide open spaces and clear blue skies. When I started to make dinner Jasper didn't just stand back and watch me. He participated in the preparation of the meal. It was great. The whole afternoon had been so light and fun that I hadn't been given the chance to think about the bad stuff going on. The atmosphere only became uncomfortable when Charlie came home from work.

Charlie walked into the kitchen to hang up his belt and grab a beer from the fridge. With barely a glance in our direction he greeted us. "Bells. Edward."

I was frozen to the spot and trying not to have another breakdown as Charlie walked back into the room. He narrowed his eyes at Jasper. "You aren't Edward."

"No sir, I'm not." He extended a hand to Charlie. "Jasper Hale. I'm his brother."

Charlie shook his hand but didn't seem to know what to make of the towering blonde man in his kitchen. With an expression on bewilderment on his face he went back into the living room. Jasper's arms were around me as soon as Charlie's back was turned. A cloud of calm surrounded me and I was eternally grateful.

A feather-light kiss was placed on my forehead before I heard Jasper whisper, "I believe that is my cue to leave."

He must have felt my sudden tension because he pulled me tighter into his embrace. "If you don't want me to go I won't. Bella, I'll stay as long as you need."

I shook my head. "No, I'll be fine. I need to get used to being on my own, don't I?"

We were gazing into each other's eyes but I didn't understand the emotions I saw in his. Jasper sighed. "Brave Bella."

One more kiss to the top of my head and he was out of the back door. I focused all of my attention on cooking. If I didn't think about it maybe it wouldn't hurt.

Charlie was quiet during dinner until something seemed to cross his mind. He put his fork down and looked at me in total seriousness. "Bells, that boy was barefoot."

My laughter couldn't be contained. I may have appeared to be a little crazy but I didn't care. At that moment it felt too good to laugh. I was still giggling as I did the dishes and went back up to my room.


	4. I Love You, But

**Jasper's Point of View**

The guilt came as I was fifteen feet from the door. My door, not Bella's. Until that moment I hadn't been able to feel anything other than joy. For reasons I couldn't explain I was happy. Bella had taken me by surprise. Although she was upset that Edward had left, she wasn't nearly as upset as I was expecting. She didn't seem devastated. In fact, she'd been joking and laughing with me almost the entire time. I hadn't felt so at ease with someone, not even Alice, in over a decade. But my attraction to her was a problem. So many times it had been a physical effort not to kiss her, really kiss her. I hadn't, but I was tempted often. And on more than one occasion the situation had turned intimate, both on her part and mine. Although I couldn't help feeling happy about it, which was what started the guilt. It was like I had cheated on Alice. In half a century I had never wanted a woman in any way other than Alice.

And now I couldn't stop myself from wanting Bella in every way imaginable. But I was a faithful man and that made me guilty. My head was hung down in shame as I climbed the stairs and walked into the bedroom I shared with my mate. My eyes stayed trained on the floor. I knew she'd seen it all.

I felt more than saw Alice move from the bed to stand in front of me. "Jazz, what is it? What's wrong?"

"You saw it didn't you, Alice?" I tried not to look at her, but being a foot and a half shorter meant that if she stood very close and looked up I had no but to meet her eyes.

"Oh, Jasper. It's not like you slept with her."

"But I wanted to." I had never once lied to her and the truth slipped out of my mouth naturally. How she responded was not what I had been expecting.

"Then maybe you should." She said in her happy way, and then continued, "Edward isn't coming back. If she feels that way about you I don't see a problem with it."

My eyes went wide with shock. She was giving me her consent? I couldn't wrap my mind around it and it must have showed because a warm smile graced her lips before she carried on. "How long has it been since we last made love? Or had intercourse of any kind?"

"Four years, eight months, and twenty-seven days." The answer was automatic.

Alice had my hand in hers and was forcibly dragging me toward the bed. "Come and sit with me. We need to have a talk."

I leaned on one of the pillars at the foot of the bed that held up the canopy top as Alice settled herself against the many pillows on the opposite end of the mattress. "Alice, are you breaking up with me?" I teased.

"Yes."

Again I felt my eyes grow impossibly large. "What?"

"Do you remember what I told you just before we moved to Forks?"

I searched my memory, but it didn't take long for what she said to make sense. Even if I were human I could never forget that day. My nod was slow. "You told me that you had a vision, and that in it we were no longer together. We were friends, but we were no longer mates."

"Exactly."

"But you made it seem like it might not happen. Or if it did it would take a lot more time than this."

"Something happened to make that change. The time is now, Jasper. At this point there is no sense in prolonging the inevitable." She was smiling again. It was damaging my ego and my heart to think this was so easy for her. I was unexpectedly hit with sadness other than my own; I glanced at Alice to find she wasn't smiling anymore. "Don't you dare think this isn't hard for me. I love you, but we haven't been in love for quite some time. If you're honest with yourself you already know that."

She was right, as usual. I was becoming increasingly aware of the fact as the days passed. It didn't mean this hurt any less. My pixie was leaving me. All the best times of my existence, excluding the last twenty-four hours, had been while she was by my side. I wasn't sure I would know what to do with myself if she wasn't. Still, I smiled softly at her. Alice would feel better knowing I was okay with it.

The return smile I received was brilliant. "I'm glad you agree with me. Now, about Bella –"

"No." The woman in front of me was something else. "Don't go there, Alice."

Her pout was instantaneous. "Why not?"

"Because even if this weren't an incredibly awkward conversation to have with you, even if Edward hadn't broken her heart, even if he wasn't my brother, and even if she did return my feelings, it would be impossible."

"I don't believe so." She was standing by the bed next to me in a heartbeat. Her tiny hand stroked my cheek soothingly. "You have more control than you give yourself credit for, Jazz. From what I saw, it didn't look as if you were losing it once."

"If you recall last September –"

"Nobody blames you, least of all Bella."

"She should blame me. I blame me."

"You are being ridiculous. We were all fighting our instincts that night. You were struggling with your own demons and the rest of ours as well." I was refusing to meet her eyes again. That night the monster that lived inside me was true to form. And it had been trying to kill one of the most precious creatures I had ever encountered. If Edward thought he was hazardous to Bella's health, he had nothing on me.

I was faintly aware of Alice mumbling something about new tactics just before she gripped my chin, forcing my gaze to meet hers. "Jasper, how does Bella make you feel?"

How did she make me feel? Joyous, exuberant, and so many other things that didn't begin to describe the way Bella affected me. I gave Alice a small grin. "Alive."

Alice smiled back at me. "Watching you with her was truly a gift. I've never seen you more comfortable with being yourself."

I didn't say anything. I just sat there, grinning like the fool I apparently was. But Alice was in far too talkative a mood to stay silent for long. "You should make a move. Both of you are in dire need of…a good time. I saw the way she was responding to your –"

"Alice." I warned. Anyone else would have stopped right there, but not Alice. She looked at me with eyes that were supposed to appear innocent. I knew her too well to fall for that.

"What? You are a very gentle and generous lover."

"That's it." I stood up and started walking across the room. "This conversation is over."

It took me opening the closet door and seeing none of my clothes to really take in the sight of the bedroom around me. Everything that belonged to me was missing. Not a single item remained that I could call my own. I turned to where Alice still sat on the bed. "Where are my things?"

"I moved them while you were away. Given everything going on I felt it best to move your stuff into your study." She explained in an obvious manner.

"Right." I walked to the door.

"Wait!" Before I could respond Alice was off the bed again and pressed up against me. She breathed in my scent then glanced up at me in confusion. "Chocolate chips?"

"Good night, Alice." Chuckling, I made my way next door to my new quarters.

Everything I owned, that had been in the bedroom, was in boxes sitting in the middle of the floor. I sent a silent thank you up to whatever heaven a creature like me could rely on. She hadn't touched anything. It wasn't like I didn't appreciate her decorating skills, I truly did. But Alice had a tendency to become overbearing about things of this nature. For decades now I had let her pick out all of the furniture and most of my clothes without complaint simply because I loved her and it made her happy. However, this room was my space. I'd held my ground about that fact.

Within an hour all was where I wanted it to be and I felt the hopelessness of the situation settle in. My pixie was gone. It was hard to not think of her as mine when we had been together such a long time. She knew practically everything about me, even my nightmarish past. She'd loved me anyway. She'd loved me without judgment. Not many women would.

She was absolutely right though. There had been no sexual desire between us for years. For the most part, all of our physical contact could be considered completely platonic. Essentially, we had slowly become friends. Best friends, but friends none the less. Alice's assurance that we would still remain friends cheered me a little. I honestly didn't know how I would react if I couldn't have her perky, energetic nature in my life in some capacity.

Unfortunately, Alice was only one part of my hopeless equation. Bella was the unknown factor. My feelings for her had changed and grown substantially in such a short period. Thirty-six hour ago she'd just been Bella, Edward's Bella. Although I'd found her very pretty I had never dwelled on the clear fact of her beauty out of respect for Edward and Alice. Not to mention, the gentleman in me found it disrespectful to Bella herself. There was no denying my attraction now. I wanted her in a way that a man should want a woman. I highly doubted she would return the sentiment. Sweet, innocent Bella seemed to only have eyes for my brother. He was truly an idiot.

How could leave her a second time? I felt at least partly responsible for the first time. If I hadn't reacted to her blood that way we wouldn't have had to move and they probably would have stayed together. What was his excuse now? To save her body and soul no doubt. What a ridiculous notion. Bella was quite old enough to make her own decisions, choose her own path. His absence wouldn't keep her totally safe for long. She was Bella after all. Too clumsy for her own good was putting it lightly. That girl couldn't walk a straight line on a flat surface without falling flat on her face. It was an endearing quality. It was admirable how she would always pick herself back up and keep moving. She really was stronger than he gave her credit for. At least, that was my opinion.

I also didn't believe he had actually forbid her being near the wolves. Yes, they were young and could be volatile. We could be just as violent. That had been proven on more than one occasion. For months she had spent most of her time with them and had somehow survived. Did I personally like them? No. However, I didn't think that they would ever hurt Bella. She was as much a part of their family as she was ours. Bella seemed to simply have a predisposition for lethal creature of myth. It was her preference and a decision she was more than capable of making.

And then there were the Volturi. What was Edward thinking? He and Bella had both promised that she would not be human much longer. Not to mention, it was his stupidity that brought Bella to their attention in the first place. Did he honestly expect to save her from eternity by walking away? Surely he knew that we would not leave her human and defenseless. Not now that the Volturi gave her the only choices of vampirism or death. A part of me hated Edward in that instant. He could be unbelievably selfish. Bella didn't have many options left before her at this point. Why was he so determined to keep her mortal when her life depended on the opposite course of action? I low growl reverberated in my chest in my chest as I flew out of the house. Maybe a hunt would ease my anger. I doubted it, but it was worth trying.


	5. No Devastation

**Bella's Point of View**

It had been a long weekend. Friday night Edward had left and Jasper had shown up, sufficiently distracting me from my devastation. Or so I thought. Turns out I wasn't devastated even after the too-tall blond vampire had made his exit Saturday evening. I was hurt, upset, and a little angry, but my heart so broken that it wouldn't heal. That hole that had been so big and so painful I couldn't function before didn't feel like it was ripping me in two.

But I had been prepared this time. There was no surprise. His kisses had been screaming good-bye at me for a week at least. This was expected. And somewhere deep inside I knew it was because he loved me. It still hurt though. I couldn't help but feel like I wasn't good enough. Not good enough as a human, certainly not good enough to spend forever with. Tears sprang to my eyes, but I tried not to acknowledge them. I'd cried enough over Edward Cullen in the last year to fill an ocean and I was sick of it. What good would it do? He was gone.

In some ways I was relieved. As much as I loved Edward, since he'd been back it hadn't been the same. I wasn't the same person I'd been last September. He'd been my entire reason to live and breathe then. But after spending months in that depressed fog and finding my way out I'd discovered other things to live for. I had other friends. Angela and I were much better friends now. Then there were the boys on the reservation. There was Jacob.

Jake. That was something that made my heart ache. I knew I could probably have done more to retain our friendship. But Edward had practically forbidden my going down to La Push. And I'd listened. Look where it got me. Edward wasn't here and neither was Jake. He'd been so determined to "protect" me. I knew the wolves would never cause me harm. They were protectors. They had been the ones to save me from being drained dry by Laurent in the clearing. And they'd taken me in. I'd been one of the few humans to know their secret and I had turned my back on them. All because my boyfriend had a prejudice. What type of person did that? It was unforgiveable. They were more than my friends. The pack was family. I'd left part of my family for a man who didn't love me enough to be with me.

Hell, he didn't love me enough to save me from the nightmares of vampirekind. It had occurred to me earlier in the day that regardless of Edward's presence in my life the Volturi still expected me to become a vampire. I wasn't given a pass just because he didn't want me anymore. It was either change or die. I most certainly did not choose death. I wondered for a moment if Carlisle would still be willing to do it. Would any of them want me to be a part of their family now that there was no Edward? I hoped so. I loved them all, even the gorgeous and grouchy Rosalie.

And Jasper seemed to have warmed up to me considerably. Jasper. A spasm of guilt went to my heart. It hadn't crossed my mind at the time, but so much of our interaction had been highly inappropriate. There were too many touches, too many hugs, and far too many long looks. And even though he hadn't kissed me on the lips they had been more than brotherly kisses. It felt like he'd wanted to kiss my lips. A small part of me had wanted him to. Yet another way I was a horrible friend. I'd betrayed Alice. I was so bad a friend that even thinking of Alice and feeling guilty didn't stop my being aware that Jasper was an attractive man and I was incredibly attracted to him. I shouldn't have been, but I was. Alice was going to hate me. She'd seen it. I knew she had. How would I explain my actions?

Charlie walked into the kitchen then, snapping me out of my dark and slightly panicked thoughts. "You're still doing the dishes?"

I looked down to see our dishes from dinner were still sting in the sink as dirty as they had been an hour ago. "I guess I've been distracted. Sorry."

"It's alright." I heard him let out a deep breathe and turned to face him. Charlie was starring at me nervously. His hands were shoved deep in his pockets. This was not boding well for me. He wanted to talk.

"What can I do for ya, Dad?" The hands went deeper into the pockets. This really wasn't looking good.

He sat in his chair at the table and gestured for me to take a seat in mine. After I did Charlie began to twiddle his thumbs. That was how we stayed for five minutes. Charlie twiddled as I crossed my arms and starred at the table. Finally he spoke. "So, I haven't seen Edward in a few days."

Oh God. Short of the "sex" talk this was the worst possible conversation I could have right now with my father. All I said to answer him was, "No, you haven't."

"What's going on, Bells?"

"I don't know what you mean."

Charlie was starting to look frustrated at the fact that I was refusing to cooperate. The vein in his head was slightly bulged out and I kept my vision trained on it. "C'mon Bella. That boy has practically lived here for the past six weeks and the past couple of days there hasn't been a word. Did the two of you break up?"

I noticed the hope in Charlie's eyes as he asked that question. This was one of the few times I hated making Charlie happy, but he had to find out sometime. A tear rolled down my cheek. "Break up would imply he talked to me about it. He didn't and he's gone. You can rest easy now."

"I'm sorry, Bells." He almost sounded like he meant it.

When I looked up I knew my eyes were empty. I really hadn't wanted to talk about Edward. "No, you're not. It's okay though. This is probably for the best anyway."

"I'm gonna go to bed." I stood up and kissed his cheek. "Good night, Dad."

Halfway up the stairs I realized he was probably one freak out way from putting me on some kind of suicide watch. I turned around and walked back into the kitchen. He was still sitting in the same place with a worried expression. From the doorway I said, "Don't stress out, Dad. I'm done with cliff diving."

He turned to look at me then. "What about motorcycles?"

"Whatever you say." I went back upstairs with a smile tugging at my lips.


	6. Apologies

**Alice's Point of View**

Bella was avoiding me. I was absolutely sure of it. And she knew how to do it too. As long as she kept her decisions last minute I couldn't get a decent vision on her. What on Earth was that girl's problem? I was ten seconds away from blowing a gasket. Luckily I only needed four steps. That was how many it took to see Bella outside at a picnic table. She looked miserable. I had to remind myself to move at human speed as I ran to her. I had her in my arms the moment I reached her. "Oh, Bella. I'm so very sorry. I should have found you sooner. Are you okay? Can you forgive me?"

She yanked herself back. "Wha…Why are you apologizing to me?"

"My brother of course. I knew I should have called, but you seemed fine in all of my visions. Edward is dumb. He doesn't know what he gave up." What else would I apologize for? Silly girl.

Bella's face contorted as she started to cry. "Alice, please don't. I don't deserve it. I should be saying sorry to you. I'm an awful person."

"And how is that? Bella, you are my dearest friend. What could you have done wrong? I'm sure it was nothing to bad."

She stood up at that and stared at me with wide eyes. "But I did, Alice. I did the worst thing to you. I'm so sorry."

"You are being ridiculous. Now –"

"I slept with your husband!"

I felt the sadness creep up in me a little. Mine and Jasper's new arrangement was something I wasn't completely used to yet. Therefore, it still hurt. But I'd been seeing them together inside my head and what I saw made it hard to be upset about losing him. And even if it didn't, that couldn't stop me from consoling my friend. I gently grabbed her hand and pulled her on to the bench next to me. "Bella, you need to calm down."

She seemed to notice that people were starting to stare in our direction. Taking a breath, Bella continued, "I did. I slept with Jasper. I mean, we didn't...you know…I wouldn't have. And he wouldn't have. Even if he didn't love you so much he is far too much of a gentleman. But we did sleep together. Well, I slept. He just held me. I promise it wasn't sexual. Jasper was just trying to comfort me. I was being irrational and clingy, making him stay all night. Please don't be mad at him. Everything is my fault. I should be shot. Worse than that. Alice you've been around long enough, use your imagination. I won't struggle. I deserve everything I have coming to me…"

When she stopped her rambling to take a much needed dose of oxygen I smiled at her. "Are you done now?"

"What? Why aren't you mad at me? You should be mad at me, furious even. Go on and let me have it."

I rolled my eyes at her and sighed before I calmly told her, "Jasper is not now and has never been my husband."

Bella looked confused. "I don't understand."

My grin startled her more. "He did propose to me once, in 1962. I was so sweet. He planned everything for months. Of course the second he'd made the decision I started having visions of it. I think we were both surprised when I said no. It didn't feel right. Every time I would say yes in my vision things would end up worse than if I refused. Poor boy, he was crushed."

"But you and Jasper are so perfect for each other…and that doesn't change anything, Alice! Even if he is just your boyfriend, what I did was wrong."

I'd pulled her to her feet and started maneuvering her toward the parking lot. Bella seemed to have too much on her mind to argue or even notice what I was doing. In fact, I opened the door to the car and she got in without one protest. Maybe I could talk her into a shopping trip if she was going to stay this agreeable.

We were a couple of miles away from the school when I spoke again. "Jasper and I aren't together anymore."

"But you were last Thursday." She said cautiously.

"And as of Saturday night we are both single again."

"No!" I glanced over at the outburst. Bella was on the verge of tears again. "Please, don't do this. Don't leave him because of me, Alice. I told you it was all my fault."

I stroked her face, wiping away the wetness. "Bella, this is not your fault.

She didn't believe me because she kept shaking her head and she cried harder. "Yes, it is. I'm so sorry…sorry…sor…"

This was getting out of hand. I pulled the car off the side of the road. She didn't notice through all of her apologizing. I put it in park and forced her to look at me. "Stop it, Bell."

Her eyes snapped into focus at my harsh tone. I had to talk her out of this unnecessary guilt. "This has been coming for quite a while, before we even came to Forks. You are not the reason."

Bella nodded slowly. "Then why?"

"We aren't in love anymore." I sighed dramatically. "Do you have any idea how long it has been since I've had sex?"

Her cheeks turned red as she mumbled, "No."

"Nearly five years. The desire is gone. We're really just friends at this point. You aren't responsible."

More nodding while Bella grasped what I was saying. I started to drive the car again but she remained quiet. It was a few minutes before I grinned at her and asked, "Do you think Jasper is good looking?"

"Alice!" Her blush reappeared and I laughed.

"I'll take that as a yes. It's perfectly alright if you do."

"But I don't!" I gave her a skeptical look and Bella gave in, defeated. "Okay, you win. Yes, Jasper is attractive. You all look as if you should be on the covers of magazines."

"Oh, that's cute Bella." I gave her a hard look. "That isn't what I meant and you know it. Be honest or I'll resort to force. Now, what I'm asking is do you find him sexually desirable?"

She groaned and shifted uncomfortably in the leather seat. "Fine! Fine. I lust after Jasper. Are you happy?"

"Of course." Then I gave her a sly glance. "More so than Edward?"

Bella only seemed a little sad when she begrudgingly replied, "Maybe."

Normally, I wouldn't have been so insensitive, but Bella was being so strong about everything that I simply couldn't resist. I knew I had crossed the line by a tiny bit so, trying to be a good friend, I asked, "Do you want to talk about him?"

"Not yet." She answered, looking out the window.

"Okay." I turned onto the hidden drive leading to the house. "Are you going to be alright?"

"Don't you know?"

I had so smile. I did know. "I was asking to be polite."

And then Bella came out of her daze and caught on to where we were. I'd just pulled the car into view of the house. "Alice, take me back!"

"I grinned at her. "Nope."

"Right now, Alice!" I laughed when she stomped her foot in a childish manner.

"Bella, you are already skipping class. It would look suspicious if I took you back now. I'll take you to get your truck in a few hours." I reasoned.

She looked at her lap. "They don't want to see me."

"And why not?" Sometimes I didn't understand this girl and her silly thoughts.

Bella was crying again as she whispered, "He left because of me."

"Isabella Marie Swan! I don't ever want to hear that again!" I wrapped my friend in a hug. "You are part of this family. Whatever stupid things he does won't change that. Trust me, I know. I'm afraid to tell you there is no escaping us now. We are like the mafia. Once you're in, you are in for life."

She gave a small laugh. "Thanks, Alice."

"Not a problem. Now get in that house before they all come out and drag you in."

Bella was barely out of the car when the visions blinded me. It was over in less than a minute and I didn't know whether to cry or be happy for them. I tried to compose myself before I followed her inside. Things were changing quickly.


	7. Conversations Overheard

Jasper's Point of View

The thick forest zipped by as I ran. I'd found after appending my first eighty years of immortality cooped up that I loved to run, run just for the hell of it. It was the closest thing to freedom that I'd ever discovered. Nobody's emotions around me but my own. The Cullen household had been tense and fraught with worry since Edward had pulled his disappearing act. Their concern had become an oppressive force, but as I tore through the trees I could relax.

My feet slowed a bit as I heard Alice's car speed down the road to my right. What was she doing home so early? I kept a steady pace with the vehicle and listened. Alice was notorious for talking on the phone as she drove. What I heard was not what I thought I would.

"_Do you think Jasper is good looking?"_

What? Who was she talking to? Not Rosalie I hoped.

"_Alice!"_

Bella. I listened harder. Of all the luck, to stumble across this conversation. My eyes rolled as I heard Alice's reply.

"_I'll take that as a yes. It's perfectly alright if you do."_

"_But I don't!"_

My heart deflated a little. I guess I knew that anyway though. After a pause I heard Bella's voice again.

"_Okay, you win. Yes, Jasper is attractive."_

I smiled only to be let down a second later.

"_You all look as if you should be on the covers of magazines."_

"_Oh, that's cute, Bella. That isn't what I meant and you know it. Be honest,"_

She wasn't being honest? Hope sprang up in me.

"_What I'm asking is do you find him sexually desirable?"_

There was no way innocent little Bella was going to answer a question like that. I could practically see her flush that indescribable shad of pink. I still found myself straining to hear a response.

"_Fine! Fine. Yes, I do. I lust after Jasper."_

I soared at that statement. Bella lusted after me. It may have only been physical attraction, but I was a very happy man in that second.

"_More so than Edward?"_

Could Alice be anymore insensitive? Plus, it just wasn't possible. I was all too aware of how much she wanted me. I'd been subjected to it many times.

"_Maybe."_

Alice could be as insensitive as she wanted. I was too overjoyed in that moment to care. After all my years on the Earth I knew that when a woman said maybe like that she really meant yes. I was ecstatic as I ran faster so I could beat them home. The last thing I wanted Bella to see was the blood spatter on my clothes.

I was smiling like an idiot as I stepped out of the shower and dried off. I heard them enter the house and the entire family began to fuss over Bella. They were acting like she was a widow. Her unease about it was close to stifling. Poor Bella. She never did like to be the center of attention. And she didn't seem like she appreciated being pitied either.

My jeans were still unbuttoned and the dark blue collared shirt was just being pulled off its hanger when the door to my study was quickly opened, then closed. Strolling out of the closet I found Bella with her back to the wooden door. Her eyes were squeezed shut like a child hiding under the bed from the boogeyman. I grinned at how adorable she looked.

"Hi."

Bella's eyes popped open in surprise and I laughed. She quickly made her way to where I stood; only tripping once. Her hand came to clamp down on my mouth as her body pressed against mine. "Shhhhh…"

"Is this going to become a regular occurrence between us?" My voice came out muffled, but the amusement wasn't lost on her. I noticed she was fighting back a smile. She leaned into me only a tiny bit more and I had to struggle. I desperately tried to ignore the electricity her warm body against my bare chest incited.

"Quiet." Bella whispered. "I'm hiding."

"Are you?" She nodded as she removed her hand. "Hate to burst your bubble, but they don't need any help from me. Your heart beats loud in their ears. And your scent is…overpowering."

Bella's eyes widened in fear just a bit. For a second she looked at me as if I would eat her. I chuckled and inhaled her wonderful smell. "I wasn't referring to your blood darlin'."

A blush erupted on her pale skin. She glanced down to where her hands rested against me and her cheeks became an even more brilliant red. Bella took a step back. I had to force myself to keep my arms at my sides. They wanted to reach out to her, keep her as close to me as possible. Her eyes flicked to the left. She turned and began to carefully examine one of the many shelves of books lining the walls. I made myself move backward to lean against the heavy mahogany desk pushed between two of the bookcases.

She didn't look at me for a long time as she focused on inspecting the shelf before her. "Have you read all of these?"

"Yes."

Bella looked back in slight disbelief, but her eyes lingered on mine. I felt her embarrassment just before she turned back. "That's impressive."

I smiled. "I guess I've had a lot of time on my hands. There hasn't been anything else to do at night."

There was no explaining it, but her embarrassment increased substantially when I said that. I wanted to ask her. Instead, I let it go. It would probably make her uncomfortable to have to explain herself. She was close to me now. Her examination bringing her around the room to within a foot of where I sat. I watched as Bella peered at me from the corners of her thick lashes. Those beautiful chocolate orbs trailed down my body. She bit down lightly on her bottom lip as a wave of desire crashed into me. It pushed me over the edge.

I must have been possessed when my arms shot out, encircling her waist to bring her to stand in-between my legs. A second later my lips were on hers. Bella hesitated for the blink of an eye before she was kissing me back.

My grip around her slender frame tightened a fraction, pulling her up against me until her feet were just barely touching the floor. I just knew it was a matter of time before she came to her senses and moved away so I tried to make the most of it. My tongue probed her mouth, silently begging for entrance. Elation filled my being as she allowed me what I wanted.

Bella moaned softly as her fingers plunged into my still damp hair. It had to have been the sexiest sound that had ever graced my ears. I let a groan escape as she gave my hair a little tug, effectively holding my face to hers. She tasted so sweet. And I was drowning in the intense emotions pouring off of her, made even stronger with the physical contact. No doubt, no fear. There was only a need, one that I understood too well. I was more than willing to meet any needs Bella had. I was convinced this was how I would spend the rest of eternity when reality interfered. I'd been so wrapped up in Bella that I hadn't sensed anyone approaching until it was too late.

The door was flung open as Rosalie said in a flat voice. "Well, she doesn't seem that depressed."

Shame and embarrassment flooded the room as Bella burrowed her face into my chest. I glanced at my brother and his wife over the top of her head. Rosalie glowered back and Emmett appeared to be in shock, his mouth hanging open. We stayed like this while the seconds ticked by.

Emmett recovered and was the first to break the long silence. "This is new."

"Oh, God." Bella was suddenly running for the door. I didn't try to follow knowing it would only make matters worse. She slipped passed Emmett and Rosalie to run down the hall, down the stairs, and out the door.

"I guess it isn't just Eddie Boy's cold lips she's fond of." Rosalie slapped him in the back of the head.

A few hours later I found myself on the couch in the sitting room. The events of the afternoon had caused need for yet another Cullen family meeting. This was the fourth in the last two days. It was just the first where the conversation was revolving around me and my actions. I tried to gage the emotional climate around me without taking my eyes off my hands, which sat in my lap. Excitement…Emmett. Outrage…Rosalie. Concern…Esme. Confusion…Carlisle. Happiness…? I looked up to see Alice bouncing up and down in her seat, a bright smile plastered on her feylike features. I smiled back.

Rosalie exploded. "How dare you! Bella is an innocent child! She's probably confused and upset about Edward and you took advantage of her! I bet she didn't appreciate you throwing herself at her that way. Mauling her!"

"She isn't a child! And she wasn't objecting at all. In fact, Bella's responses were quite enthusiastic. She isn't as upset about _him_ as you think, either." I growled back.

"Now children…" came Esme's pleading voice but we were both to mad to pay any attention.

"That just makes her a – "

My teeth clench together. "Say it, Rosalie. I dare you."

The warning seemed to make her rethink her words. Rosalie huffed and stormed out of the room. Emmett frowned and began to get up from where he sat at the other end of the couch. "Damn. This was just starting to get good too."

"I'll go after her, Emmett." Esme was already moving through the archway. Her motherly instincts causing her to seek the child that was most distressed.

Carlisle cleared his throat. Immediately my eyes were back on him. "So, if I have this correct, Bella isn't sad that Edward is gone. You kissed her. She kissed you back. You and Alice aren't together anymore. And Alice is happy about all of this?"

He looked to Alice and she began to nod fervently. Then he was fixed on me for further confirmation. "Well, Bella is sad about Edward, but she isn't falling apart. She's about as upset as any other girl going through a break up would be. Especially if the girl has gone through a similar situation with the boy before. And as for what Rosalie and Emmett walked in on, it was unexpected on both of our parts."

"Didn't look unexpected. It looked as if you were about to – "Emmett stopped when I turned to glare in his direction. But he seemed to think better of it and finished his sentence with a grin. "– do the nasty."

In lieu of Rosalie not being present I reached my arm across the space between us and smacked him in the forehead. He laughed as he put up his fists, trying for a fight as usual. I started to lunge at him but Carlisle's calm voice warned, "Boys…"

He glanced at Emmett. "Did you really just say…nevermind." Carlisle knew this brother of mine was a lost cause. "Is that everything?"

"Yes." Alice and I answered in unison. She began to laugh as I smirked.

"It is nice to see that the two of you remain amicable."

Alice beamed at Carlisle. "That was never in question."

He gestured to Emmett and Alice. "Will the both of you please give Jasper and I a moment?"

They were instantly up on their feet. Emmett gave me a hard stare. "All joking aside, don't hurt her."

"What if she hurts me?"

"I'm not going to break her in half so I think you're a big boy and can handle it." There was a long second where understanding passed between us. If I caused her any pain he would rip me to pieces. At least, he would try.

Alice came to stand before me. She bent down and kissed my cheek, ruffling my hair playfully. "Don't worry, Jazz. I have a feeling everything is going to work out beautifully."

Then we were finally alone and I was beginning to feel very nervous, like a teenager who got caught doing something wrong. Worry was rolling off my surrogate father as he sat across from me.

"Edward has only been gone for a few days." It was more of a statement than an accusation.

I raised my hackles anyway. "He made his choice. Nobody forced Edward to leave, Carlisle."

"You're right. He made the decision on his own. I presume he knew the consequences." Carlisle fixed me with a level gaze. "What are your intentions regarding Bella exactly?"

I let out a sigh and ran a hand through my hair. It was a human habit, but one I'd never been able to rid myself of when I was stressed. "I don't know. I want her, want to be with her. She's…delightful, adorable, and precious. She makes me feel light and carefree in ways I haven't since I was human. But honestly, it's in her hands. Friends or anything else, the choice is in Bella's hands."

He took my words without judgment but compassion and I eased. But his worry had actually increased, so I asked, "Is there something else bothering you?"

Carlisle had the grace to look ashamed as he said, "I know it has been nearly two decades since you last slipped, but you always seem to struggle with your control."

So he didn't trust me. I just loved being considered the weakest link in the family. It did wonders for my self-esteem. I tried to reassure him. "Besides mentioning it jokingly earlier today with Bella herself, it hasn't crossed my mind. I don't struggle around her because I simply don't notice."

I could see the surprise in his face before I felt it. "What happens when she cuts herself? Bella is nothing if not unique in the varying ways she manages to hurt herself. The problem will arise eventually. And last fall you nearly went mad with the thirst and it was merely a paper cut."

"Actually, Alice has a theory about that." Carlisle waited for me to continue as I tried to find a right way to put it. "She seems to think that most of my reaction was related to my empathy. With everyone fighting to stay in control I was overwhelmed by the thirst of seven vampires rather than just my own. And I didn't go berserk over a mere paper cut. If you remember precious Edward pushed her into all off that glass before I ever took a snap at Bella. I might not have if he hadn't overreacted in the first place."

He was silent for a while, taking in everything I'd said, so I added, "I'll hunt twice as often. Three times more than usual if it will ease everyone's minds."

"You really do care about her?" Carlisle's question was one asked in amazement.

"My smile couldn't be concealed as I answered, "Very much."


	8. Girl Talk

**Bella's Point Of View**

Esme didn't wait for me to get all the way through the front door before pulling me into her arms. I relaxed into the embrace, letting myself be held by this motherly woman. I didn't even care that Rosalie and Emmett and Esme were all attempting to talk at the same time, their voices mixing together to create an unrecognizable mess. But the longer I listened the more words I was able to discern.

They were all apologizing. In fact, they sounded as if they were giving their condolences, as if Edward had died rather than just disappeared. I stepped away from Esme to see three pairs of golden eyes, all watching and waiting for me to fall apart. It was making me extremely uncomfortable. Their concern was making it hard for me to breathe because I wasn't falling apart. Where was Alice? She could save me from having to explain. I wasn't ready to explain.

Alice skipped through the doorway at that moment. It was almost like she was aware that their pity was suffocating me. She gave me a warm smile. Turning me to face the staircase, Alice gave me a gentle reassuring hug. "Why don't you go wait upstairs? I need to have a talk with my family for a moment. It's the second door on the right."

I didn't need to be told twice as I raced up the stairs. Quickly I opened the door Alice had directed me to and stepped inside. With a deep breath I closed the door behind me and leaned against the heavy oaken wood. I was slightly confused as I glimpsed the space around me. This couldn't be Alice's bedroom. It was far too masculine.

Floor-to-ceiling bookcases lined nearly every inch of wall space, their polished wood gleaming in the soft yellow light of the wrought iron sconces on either side of the doorway. A large wooden desk was opposite the door with a giant painting of a field leading to a beach leading to the ocean. It fit perfectly with the deep blue-green of the walls which complimented the dark navy of the plush carpet. There was no bed but there was an oversized leather chair that happened to look incredibly comfy. Nothing appeared to be designer. There was no way Alice had ever stayed in this room. I took this in just a second before I heard movement in the hall behind me. My eyes squeezed shut, willing myself not to be discovered.

"Hi."

That voice sounded like it came from inside the room. And its deep southern tones were dangerously familiar. Jasper? My eyes opened wide. Sure enough, he was standing in front of me. I noticed his appearance and it was a concentrated effort to keep my jaw off the floor. I was truly unprepared for shirtless Jasper. Shock didn't cover it. The closest I'd ever come to seeing a naked man had been Edward in the clearing, but he'd still been wearing his shirt. Unbuttoned, yet it had still been on. It didn't compare to the lean, muscular plains of the angel before me.

His laugh brought me out of my surprise. I shot forward and mentally cursed myself when I tripped over my own feet. But I managed to stay upright and continued until I smacked into him, my hand coming up to cover his mouth. I was definitely going to have a few bruises tomorrow, but oh well. He was going to alert the others if he didn't stay silent. "Shhhhh…."

Jasper's amusement wasn't lost on me as I heard his stifled question. "Is this going to become a regular occurrence between us?"

The memory of a similar situation only a few days before made me want to laugh too. But I wanted to remain unnoticed to the members of his family that seemed to shower me with unwanted sympathy so I whispered, "Quiet. I'm hiding."

"Are you?"

I nodded as I brought my hand down from his face. He gave me a grin. I ignored the butterflies it caused low in my stomach as he said, "Hate to burst your bubble but they don't need any help from me. You heart beats loudly in their ears and you scent is…..overpowering."

Something registered with me then. I was less than an inch away from a vampire, the same vampire that had once tried to rip out my throat. I knew he wouldn't hurt me, but something in his eyes looked suddenly very hungry. Then I heard him chuckle and that look in his eyes receded. Jasper leaned down and took a deep breath before saying huskily, "I wasn't referring to your blood, Darlin'."

Heat instantly crept up my cheeks. I was finding that I loved it a little too much when he called me that. I looked down to try hiding the blush even though I knew he didn't need to see it to know it was there. That was when I finally took notice of how indecently close our bodies were. My entire body was pressed up the length of his. The palms of my hands were resting on the top of his stone chest, fingers splayed across the edge of his collarbone. No wonder he was finding this so funny. It looked as if I were throwing myself at him. I was even more embarrassed now than I had been before.

Refusing to look at him again, my eyes scoped the room for something to distract myself with. The bookcases were to my left and they would have to do. Backing up and turning to the nearest one, I busied myself with whatever I happened to find there. I expected to find books on the shelves. What caught me off guard was the sheer number of books and the wide variety of subjects they were on. Philosophy, religion, architecture, law, geology, geography, mystery, science fiction, even a couple of nautical volumes stared back at me in no apparent order. There seemed to be no topic missing.

I kept my eyes trained forward as I asked, "Have you read all of these?"

"Yes."

Without thinking, I turned to give him a skeptical look. It was a mistake. Our eyes locked for a second and my breath hitched in my throat. My attention snapped back to the bookshelves. "That's impressive."

"I guess I've had a lot of time on my hands. There hasn't been anything else to do at night."

Jasper hadn't said it as if that last sentence had any particular meaning, but it reminded me of my earlier conversation with Alice. My cheeks warmed up immediately. It was uncomfortable enough to know they hadn't slept together in years, but to know it and be in the same room with him while he looked like that… I caught sight of Jasper in my peripheral vision. He was resting against the desk, long legs stretched out before him. Taking a moment, I covertly swept my eyes over his features.

A gracefully pale neck glided into wide yet slender shoulders. Muscles bunched in his stomach as he casually leaned. A narrow line of feathery light hairs trailed from him bellybutton to… I bit my lip to try calming my heart. I knew it was wrong but I wanted him. It didn't matter that he was Alice's very recent ex, Edward's brother, or that there was no way such a gloriously built creature would ever want me in return.

And then his arms were around me, pulling me the few inches it took to get me situated between his legs. I didn't have time to blink before Jasper was kissing me. I was stunned to say the least, but the fire that was suddenly building up made it impossible not to kiss him back.

This was different. The only person I had ever kissed was Edward. Well, he'd kissed me. If I had stated to participate everything would have been brought to a screeching halt. We'd always had to be so careful. There was nothing careful about this kiss. It wasn't forceful or necessarily urgent, but there was a need present that my body understood and reacted to on instinct. I needed this. I needed to be held as if I were a lifeline without fear tainting the edges. There'd always been fear before. Edward's fear. My arm's snaked around his neck, desperately seeking more contact.

Jasper dragged my body up the cool expanse of his chest and the friction made my nipples harden instantly. I couldn't manage to be ashamed or embarrassed. Instead, I let myself revel in the feelings he was creating with his lips and hands. Jasper's fingers had slipped under my shirt, leaving an icy trail as they danced up and down my spine. It was amazing coupled with the inferno that was consuming me from the inside out. He licked at my lips and they parted for him automatically.

I wasn't prepared for the knee-buckling effect the sensation of Jasper's tongue messaging my own would have on me. If it hadn't been for the strong arms securing my body to his I might have actually collapsed. And if I wasn't prepared for that I certainly wasn't prepared when he took my tongue between his smooth frozen lips and started to suck gently. I moaned and thrust my hands into his wet, blond curls, gripping them as a small tremor wracked my body. He groaned into my mouth in seductive response. Never mind, what I'd thought before. Jasper wasn't an angel. He was the devil. How else could the delicious flames burning me to my very core be explained?

Faintly, I was aware of the door swinging open. But that was noticed in the back of my mind. What really got my attention was when I heard Rosalie's voice. "Well, she doesn't seem that depressed."

No. No. No. This could not be happening. I leaned my face into the coolness of Jasper's chest, mentally trying to will away the nightmare the moment had become. His hands slipped out of my shirt and came to rest against my hips. We stayed like that for what seemed like hours but must have only been minutes until Emmett said, "This is new."

"Oh, God." I panicked. The fight or flight instinct kicked in and I ran.

Rocketing past Rosalie and Emmett through the doorway and down the stairs, I didn't look back. I didn't even trip until I was out of the house. That top step got me though and I was hurdling forward. Luckily, Alice was there to catch me before I face-planted in the Cullen driveway. Where had she been? How could she let me make a fool out of myself like that?

She pushed me toward the bright yellow Porsche without saying anything. The need to escape overshadowed wanting to yell at her so I got in the car. A split second later she joined me and we were speeding down the narrow drive.

"Did you have fun?"

Incredulous didn't even begin to describe the look on my face as I turned in my seat to face her. "You knew? Alice, did you know that was going to happen?"

"Of course. Why else would I send you to that room? I can remember which bedroom is my own." She winked at me. "I didn't know exactly which path would be taken, but it really didn't make too big of a difference. In each vision the two of you were clinging to each other as if your lives depended on it."

"It wasn't that bad." I grumbled, even though that was how it had felt.

She gave me a look that clearly said she didn't believe me. I kept my eyes on my hands as I said quietly, "Edward never kissed me like that."

"I don't think anyone has ever been kissed like that."

The conversation should have made me feel more uncomfortable than it did. I was never good at girl talk. But after that experience I found myself needing it. And it was comforting to know he hadn't kissed her the way he'd just kissed me. "Doesn't it bother you, Alice?"

"Does what bother me?"

"Talking about Jasper and I so soon after you…separated?" I didn't want to cause Alice any upset, even if she was the one who brought the subject up in the first place.

"Does it bother you to talk about Edward?" She shot back.

Did it bother me? It should have, but no. It felt good to talk about Edward in some ways, hurt in others. The more I began to deal with it the less it hurt. I sighed. "Amazingly, no."

Alice seemed to think for a long moment before she spoke. "Bella, when I see the visions I've had of you with him…it keeps me from being too sad. Watching the two of you is like watching two magnets being pulled toward each other. It's as if Edward and I were the floodgates holding apart two rivers. When the gates lifted the rivers collided and it is beautiful."

I just stared at her. "Okaaay, Alice."

"Don't let yourself be scared away by what happened this afternoon. I'm sure nobody will hold it against you." She said, knowing I would be trying to avoid the Cullens even more now.

"Rosalie already hated me. She probably thinks I am betraying Edward."

"No, she does not. Rose thinks that you are incredibly vulnerable right now. She actually blames Jasper for taking advantage."

"He didn't take advantage of me!" I'd been the one ogling him. Jasper was probably reacting to my own lust … that I now realized he could feel the entire time.

I groaned and threw my head back against the seat. How could I be so stupid? He'd been responding to me, not his own feelings. Of course, that was it. How else could he want me? I banged my head against the seat a few more times.

"Bella, please stop doing that. You might hurt yourself."

"If anyone took advantage it was me, Alice."

"And how did you do that?"

"He's and empath."

"And?" She wasn't picking up on my meaning.

"Isn't it obvious? He could feel how I was feeling. I was staring at him. I wanted him. Jasper was only acting on my emotions."

We pulled into the nearly empty school parking lot and Alice parked next to my truck. She turned to face me with a knowing smile. "So you initiated the kiss?"

"No." Where was she going with this?

"I didn't think so." I continued to stare at her uncomprehendingly. Alice huffed. "Although I'm sure your feelings are what gave him the motivation to act, he isn't such a slave to his gift that he would kiss you without already having similar feelings himself."

"Huh?"

"I'm under the impression that Jasper has been attracted to you for much longer than any of us were aware."

"Oh." But that didn't make any sense. How could someone so perfect be attracted to someone as extraordinarily plain as me? It was hard to wrap my mind around. Edward had, but Jasper? He was different. He'd been with other women. Alice was incredibly beautiful … and graceful. Why would anyone trade down?

Everything of the past four days was confusing to me. Edward left me and I was okay with that. Jasper wanted me and I was quickly discovering that I returned his feelings. He and Alice had broken up and they both seemed perfectly fine with it. Rosalie had tried to comfort me today. It was like I'd fallen into an alternate universe. I needed time to process. I needed friends who weren't involved in this bizarre episode of the Twilight Zone. I needed my sun.

"Alice, I'm going down to La Push."

I could tell the instant she figured out my decision. Her face was twisted into a mask of panic and irritation. "The wolves are unstable, Bella. What if something happens? What would Edward say if I left you go and you got hurt or killed?"

Even when he chose to abandon me his wishes were expected to be upheld? No. I couldn't accept that. "Edward isn't here anymore. He doesn't get a say in the matter."

Alice gritted her teeth but nodded. "I would still rather you not go."

I took a deep breath. "I haven't been to La Push since you came back. Jacob won't return my calls. I have been an awful friend to him, to all of the wolves lately. And I did it for Edward. I didn't want to upset or worry him. For nearly two years your brother has consumed all of my thoughts. The members of the pack were the ones to piece me together after my breakdown, which Edward was responsible for, but I still turned my back on them for that man. They have become just as much a part of me as the Cullens have. Alice, I need to make things right."

"Ugh!" Alice sighed in exasperation. She reached into her pocket and tossed me her cell phone. "But you call me every hour so I can have at least a little piece of mind."

"Yes, Mom."

Her eyes got wide and a received the impression that my sarcasm was not appreciated. "I'm not kidding, Bella. Every hour!"

I felt laughter at her overreaction bubble up inside of me and had the presence of mind to suppress it. "Gotcha. Can I go now?"

"One more thing."

Instantly, I began to get nervous. Alice was beaming at me in the way she did when she was going to make me do something I wouldn't like. "This Friday you are going to come over and let me play Bella Barbie all weekend."

"No."

"Dear Bella, let's not forget that you now owe me a favor." Alice's grin reminded me of the Cheshire Cat.

"I do not!" A favor? For what? And Bella Barbie? No way in Hell was I going to be Alice's personal dress-up doll.

"Then I can't let you go." I had my hand on the door handle when I heard the click. Yep. Alice locked the doors. Turning back to her, I growled. "Be nice, Bella. I'll give you what you want if you give me something."

"You manipulative-"

"Okay, have it your way." Alice put the car in reverse. Then she gave me a brilliant smile. "I can see you again."

"Charlie expects me to be home soon."

"Oh, he won't be a problem. Charlie likes me, remember? All it takes is a phone call."

I loathed the fact that she was right. If Alice asked, Charlie would let her hold me hostage as long as she wanted. Damn. From the smug look on her face, she knew she was winning. "I'm not wearing heels. That is nonnegotiable. I don't want to break my neck."

"Yay!"

Alice pulled back into the parking space. When the vehicle stopped moving I jumped out. As I unlocked the truck she rolled down her window. "Don't forget to check in."

"Yeah, yeah." I mumbled as Alice sped off.


End file.
